


Thinking of You

by Tutselutse



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: A book by Justin Oluransi and friends, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bitty pines, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Heartbreak, How NOT to handle your exams, Jack makes stupid decisions, M/M, Post-Graduation, Sadness, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-02 08:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4053388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tutselutse/pseuds/Tutselutse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p> <i> 'Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you</i> </p>
</div>A fic based on Katy Perry's 'Thinking of You'. Bitty's junior year starts, and he has to deal with returning to the Haus, and moving on after Jack's decision. Don't worry - it will have a happy ending.
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to _Thinking of You_ by Katy Perry, thought about Jack and Bitty, and almost started crying. So, obviously I had to fic it, and make the rest of you share my pain!
> 
> This will be in five parts, with parts two and four as flashbacks. I have written most of it already, so posts will not be far apart.
> 
> (also, I switch between calling him Eric, Bitty, and Bittle. It just happened)

_Comparisons are easily done_  
_Once you've had a taste of perfection_

* * *

 

Walking back into the Haus, after summer vacation, is so much harder than Bittle even imagined. It looks the same, and his heart aches when he looks around him. He isn't sure what he expected, but it wasn't this horrible mix of home and heartbreak. At least he isn't alone. He can hear Dex and Nursey argue from upstairs (Oh boy, them sharing a bathroom has disaster written all over it).

Unpacking doesn't take long, and in the end he has to do it. He has to go into the kitchen, and put his supplies back. He has to.

Seeing the oven makes his knees weak, and he has to count the seconds of every breath, to make sure he doesn't start hyperventilating. He rushes out of the kitchen, when he has filled the fridge with butter. Dex looks up from the couch, and his smile freezes when he sees him.

"Wanna play Mario Kart?" he asks warily, and Bitty nods. God bless Dex. Mario Kart is the perfect distraction, even if his hands are shaking and Dex is much better than him.

* * *

It takes him a full week before he bakes a pie. The whole team look at him with growing concern, as the days pass with no baked goods, but no one asks, no one addresses it, which Bitty is thankful for.

His mother calls him every day and checks in. He thought he had faked happiness pretty well all summer, but Mama Bittle is not so easily fooled. Not that she asks him directly, she mostly just chats about what happens back home.

Apparently LuAnn from church wants her to try yoga, and she kept putting it off. It's his mother's off-hand comment about "facing my fear, and trying it" that makes him decide to use the oven again.

Looking at it still makes his chest clench, but baking helps. His hands doesn't tremble, and the smell of sugar and butter has always calmed him down.

Bitty pulls the pie out of the oven, and breathes in the cinnamon scent. Crisp and sweet, and as home-y as it can get. He places it on the counter, to cool down, and walks back into the living room. He sits down next to Lardo and she places her head on his shoulder.

"How are you?" she asks, looking at her hands.

"Okay, I guess," Bitty replies, and intertwines their fingers.

"You can tell me, if you want," she whispers and he nods, swallowing twice.

"I miss them," he says and she squeezes his hand, perfectly aware that _them_ means _him_. But Bitty can't talk about him, it hurts too much. A thousand times more, than the time he got checked, in freshman year.

"Has he contacted you since...?" Lardo asks and Bitty swallows.

"No," he sighs and Lardo makes a angry snorting sound.

"That's fucked up," she whispers.

Ransom and Holster are busy planning the first Kegster of the year, and their voices are carried down from the attic. They have Shitty's legacy to live up too, and they both take it very seriously. Partying without Shitty will be weird, but Bitty is looking forward to it. 

Lardo hugs him a long time, before she leaves and Bitty is so happy she's there for him, a silent support. He returns to his room and starts preparing for class.

"You made pie?" Ransom bursts into his room.

"Yes," he nods and smiles.

"Oh Bits, that's great!" he runs out of the room again, calling for Holster. They all eat it together, the whole team, and it's the happiest Bittle has been in months. 

* * *

A month into Junior year, and things are looking a lot better. His heart still clenches, he still misses the brightly blue eyes, but he likes his classes, the newest frogs, and he bakes just as regularly as last year, if not more.

Hockey is the hardest. All the hours he spent on the rink, just with _him_ , working on his fear of checking, they crash over him when he walks into Faber. Once they play, it helps. He can empty his head from all his thoughts, and focus on skating. He's still fast and good, and it's nice.

Luckily the new frogs are great, and Bitty starts nurturing them, just as he did with Chowder, Nursey and Dex. They are all very sweet to him, and it reminds him of what he loves: taking care of people. And baking. 

He looks at himself in the mirror every night and sternly tells himself: "Bitty, you will not be some Bella Swan, stopping your life because of a man. Goodness no". It helps. Keeping himself on track. College is supposed to be fun, and it is. Most of the time.

He still can't watch _his_ games on TV.

Dex or Nursey usually tell him the results after, skipping over the details he won't like to hear.

Because the thing that hurts the most, is hearing about _his_ new life. The new, happy life as an NHL player. The life that couldn't include Bitty.

He hasn't seen him or heard from him since graduation, and it's a small, bitter knot in his stomach every day. One morning, Holster had casually started talking about some news _he_ had told him during the summer, and Eric had dropped his fork.

"Shit, Bitty, you haven't... he didn't tell you?".

Eric shook his head and looked at his plate.

"Fucking hell," Ransom had muttered.

Since then, the team made sure not to mention _him_ around Bittle. It helped. He could pretend no one talked to _him._ That he wasn't the only one being ignored.

" _You move on,_ " the words haunts his dreams. They show up in his head at all the worst times. In class, at practice, when he sees Farmer and Chowder look at each other (Not that he isn't happy for his almost-son, because he IS).

Ransom is the one who suggests it, casually mentioning one of his classmates that Bitty might like. It's scary and uncomfortable and not at all a thing he wants to do. But his friends are right. He should do it. He should move on.

* * *

The dates he goes on, are all disappointing. There was Kyle, who had a fake smile plastered on his face, and hated all kinds of cake. How did Nursey even find him? Then there's Mark, who's kind of nice, but seems to dislike hockey, and is not a good kisser at all.

It's like every guy Bitty meets looks and/or acts wrong. Too blond, too loud, touches him too much, or has a wrong shade of blue eyes.

It's not until he actually considers saying no to Ian, over his eye color that Bitty realizes _why_ he's not into these guys.

They don't compare.

It's like eating the cookies from the supermarket, after tasting his Aunt's. It's like trying to skate on a frozen water puddle, when you used to skate on a real rink.

It makes him so _angry!_ He had the entire summer to get over... him... but it didn't matter. He's still comparing every guy he meets to him, and he just _knows_ he can't ever find someone better. Or at least someone equal.

Not that it stops the team from bringing boys over to the Haus, or set him up on blind dates.

* * *

When Shitty skypes with him, he hardly ever mentions their old captain. Bitty knows he still sees him, and he can see the frustration in Shitty's eyes, when Bittle tells him he hasn't heard from him.

" _Fuck_ Bits, I'm sorry," he says one night, after Bitty shook his head yet again.

"It's fine," Bitty murmurs.

"No, it's fucking not!" Shitty growls "We're supposed to have each other's backs, man."

"Yeah well..." he blows out air instead of finishing the sentence.

"It's not acceptable behavior - I'll talk to him," he promises Bittle.

"Let's talk about something else."

"Yeah... What the hell happened to Nursey's hair?" Shitty asks and Bitty can't stop the smile spreading across his face.

"Well, he started discussing _Parks and Rec_ with Holster - really why would he? -  and he said something about Leslie needing to chill and... Let's just say Holster got his revenge, and Dex had to use the trimmer on the poor boy's head," he couldn't help but giggle as he told the story.

"That sounds epic. God, Nursey, why?".

"He should have known better."

* * *

And then, one day, Lardo brings Elliott to the Haus. And Bittle nearly drops the pie crust in his hands when he sees him.

Elliott is, well there is no other word than: beautiful. His skin is pure caramel, his hair falls in  careless curls and his eyes are dark and deep. He is a worn jeans, tight t-shirt and genuine smile, kind of God, and he seems really interested in how Bitty makes his pies.

Bitty, of course, becomes all flustered and nervous, as he tries to explain what he is doing.

"It's really nothing," he says for the fourth time, and Elliott sends him a blinding, crooked smile.

"I disagree," he chuckles, "maybe you can teach me a recipe or two?" he has really long eyelashes and Bitty has to concentrate a little to answer.

"Su-sure," he finally gets out. When they leave, Lardo is sending him a very pleased look, and Bitty tries not to blush.

* * *

" _You move on,"_ the words ring in his ears, as he looks at the new number in his phone. What has he got to lose? Elliott is a catch. His eyes might not be blue, and he can't speak french, but... He is the next best thing. Eric sighs. " _You move on,_ " echoes in his mind again.

He types a text and looks at it: " _Wanna come to the party on Friday? :) ERB_ ".

"Just you watch me move on, Jack Zimmermann," he mutters and presses send. It feels like a victory, it feels like losing. Saying _Jack_ out loud hurts, but it's step one in moving on. And moving on is what he has to do.

* * *

 The Kegster is roaring through the Haus, and Chowder is drunk and so is Bitty. They are clinging together, swaying and laughing at new frog: Monty, who's currently losing big time in beer pong against Lardo.

Elliott walks in, and smiles at Bitty. Gosh, he's still pretty! With the crooked smile just for him and such sweet, attentive eyes, it's hard not to get  completely mesmerized. They dance for a while, and it's nice.

Elliott has strong hands, and cute dimples and a nice body, and it's so comfortable to be pressed against him. Bitty drinks more beer, and sings along to Beyonce, and giggles when Elliott whispers things in his ear, because his breath tickles. Lardo is giving him encouraging looks from across the floor, and he's too drunk to think about what he's doing.

They end up in the kitchen. Bitty is leaning against the counter, and Elliott has his hands on either side of him, looking down at Bitty with admiring eyes. Then he kisses him, and - _oh God -_ he's a good kisser too. Bitty runs a hand through his curls, twirling them around his fingers. He tastes like spices, beer, and the mini-pies Bitty made earlier.

It's a good kiss and Bitty finds himself wanting more. Slowly, he lets his hands go exploring, humming a little in the back of his throat when he touches Elliott's nice biceps.

They lie on Bitty's bed, kissing and kissing, until they're both completely out of breath, and Elliott is shirtless. In the end though, he's too drunk and tired to continue, so he smiles apologetically and gives Elliott one last kiss.

* * *

 He wakes up to a hangover and something warm against his back. His mouth is too dry when he tries to swallow, and the thick air in the room is too gross. He feels sweaty, like he has been sleeping too warm, and it's not helping his headache.

He looks behind him, and holds back a gasp. Elliott is there, deeply asleep, shirtless and with a hickey on his collarbone.

Oh God.

Bitty feels sick, like he might need to throw up.

Elliott snuggles in closer, and mumbles in his sleep, and all Bitty wants, is to run for the bathroom and splash cold water in his face. Maybe hide in the shower for a couple of years.

One thing is for sure, he needs to open the window. His room smells like death and beer. He sits up carefully, and lets the fresh air into his room. He looks outside for a little while, and tries to feel good about what he did last night.

A kiss pressed against his neck startles him.

"Oh," he gasps and hears Elliott chuckle behind him.

"Mornin'," the dark-eyed man whispers and Bitty turns around, smiling bravely.

"Good morning, Elliott," he says, and starts crawling out of the bed, "Oh my goodness, I am so thirsty. Aren't you? I always forget to drink water before bed, when I get drunk. Such a mistake," he babbles as he pulls his jeans back on. Elliott has an amused smile on his lips, like he thinks Bitty is endearing, or something.

"I'm gonna get some water. And maybe some breakfast? No, not yet. My stomach is not ready for real food. Oooh, maybe a pie!" he continues talking as he runs out of the room.

This is not good at all. He can't help but be disappointed in himself, over his actions. Like he betrayed Jack, but that's completely ridiculous! Bitty looks at himself in the bathroom mirror. He has swollen lips and messy hair, and he can spot a few bite marks on his neck.

Oh no.

Ransom and Holster are gonna be teasing him forever, after this.

He splashes cold water in his face over and over, but it doesn't make the knot in his stomach go away at all.

He walks into his room, and finds it empty. He sighs. Elliott is so great, and he such be over the moon that he kissed him, but the thought leaves a sour taste in his mouth. He quickly changes his clothes, and walks down to the kitchen.

"Goodmorning y'all," he greets, and flinches for a second when Elliott sends him a blinding smile, from where he is standing next to Lardo.

"Hey Bits," Lardo smirks over her coffee cup.

"Will there be hangover pie?" Holster asks and Bitty rolls his eyes.

"Is that all I am good for?" he places his hands on his hips and pretends to be insulted.

"No, no Bitty!" Holster quickly says, "You know we love you."

"Good to know," Bitty smiles and pours himself a large glass of water.

"But... will there?" Ransom asks from under the table, and Bitty tries not to laugh at his pained expression, as he looks up at the rest of them.

"As if I could _not_ make a pie right now," Bitty grins.

* * *

 Elliott watches him work as the rest of the team stumbles around and groans. It's confusing, but luckily his hands know what they're doing without his brain helping. When he pre-bakes the crust, the taller man puts a hand on his shoulder.

"I'd love to eat the pie with you, but I should be going," he says, and he actually looks _sorry._

"Oh, well, I..." Bitty stutters, not sure what to say. Instead he just walks him out to the door, and smiles sheepishly. Elliott places his hand on Bittle's cheek and pull him closer. Bitty is too shocked to actually respond, until soft lips are pressed against his.

Instead of tasting coffee, last night's beer and the spicy hint that is just Elliott, Bitty somehow tastes snow and strawberries, and it makes his stomach turn. He quickly pulls back in surprise, and Elliott smiles confused at him.

He mumbles good-bye and rushes back to his pie, blushing deeply and ignoring the whistles from Ransom. Ugh, this is so not what he needs right now.

The team seem grateful when he serves the blueberry pie, and they all eat in silence. They clean up the Haus and eat more pie and watch TV.

It's nice.

* * *

 Around five in the evening, Bittle gets a text from Elliott. It just says: " _Thanks for a great party"_ but it still makes him blush deeply.

" _Really you should be thanking Ransom and Holster. They planned it"_ he quickly replies.

" _Well, you made it special"_ Elliott writes and oh god - what do you reply to that?

Lardo gives him a look over, what is probably her fifth, cup of coffee, and gets up. She gestures for the kitchen, and Eric follows her, a little nervous.

"What happened with Elliott?" she asks, straight to the point. Eric shuffles his feet, and looks at her, not sure how to reply.

"Uh..." he mumbles.

"Last I saw, you were making out in the kitchen," she takes a sip of coffee and raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Eric blushes, "he slept in my bed," he admits and makes a groaning sound. Lardo wraps an arm around his shoulder and says:

"Look, Bits... You don't have to date him, if you don't want to," she squeezes their heads together, "but he's sweet and pretty and if you can let him, he'd be really good for you."

"You think so?" he asks.

"Yes, really," she promises "But, remember... only if you want to," she gives him a stern look, as if to tell him he'd be in trouble otherwise. Which probably is _exactly_ what she means.

Eric feels his heart swell with fondness over Lardo. _God_ , he is lucky to have her as a friend.

* * *

Eric ends up going on another date with Elliott - a real one. They meet for coffee, and end up taking a long walk, talking about everything. Okay not everything, but a lot of things. It's a very good conversation. Elliott is an Art Major, just like Lardo, and his interests is mostly in the concept of beauty. The search for true beauty, the subjective aspect and the beauty in little things.

"Like you, Bitty," he beams, "you see a beauty in pies, and... It's beautiful to watch you bake."

"Oh my..." Eric blushes deep red. It might be the nicest thing anyone has ever told him.

It's actually a good date, and Eric enjoys himself a lot. Elliott seems to have taken a step back after the failed porch kiss, and he only gives Eric a peck on the cheek when they say goodbye, which Bitty is thankful for.

The team doesn't pester him with questions - Lardo probably told them to butt out - and he spends the evening baking a cobbler and reading for class. Chowder is next to him, writing something on his laptop and groaning every two minutes, so Eric makes him hot chocolate and lets him eat the first piece of the cobbler.

Of course that makes Dex and Nursey show up, they could probably smell the hot chocolate, and all four of them spend the night talking and studying. Bitty looks at them fondly - they will always be _his_ frogs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please tell me what you think! And if you spot any mistakes, let me know, since English isn't my first language!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First flashback. This is just fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this will be the first part of the flashback to what happened between them.  
> I started writing this before graduation happened on twitter, so there is a canon divergence there, as Jack will not do a Q&A after Class Day and stuff. I hope this makes sense!

_You're like an Indian summer_  
_In the middle of winter_  
_Like a hard candy  
_ _With a surprise center_

* * *

 

**[Bitty's sophomore year, not long before Graduation]**

 

The Graduation is days away, and Jack has been spending every moment with Bitty. It's great, because Jack is great, and he'll be gone soon, but it also makes Bitty's heart do this weird clenching thing. The feelings haven't stopped, in fact they've gotten stronger, deeper. Bitty blames Jack's constant chirping, and the way his blue eyes twinkles when he talks to him.

He is alone, for once, when Shitty barges into the kitchen, pushing a beer in Bitty's hand and dragging him into the yard. Lardo's there already, stretched out on blanket and grinning when they appear.

"Get drunk with us, Bits," Shitty says and falls down next to her. Bittle joins them, a little surprised. But, he's determined to soak up as much Shitty as he can, before his friend is gone. He's going to miss that face so much. He might even miss his bare ass waking through the Haus. Maybe.

They talk a little, not about anything important, and Bittle sips his beer. The weather is great, and the beer is cold, it's the perfect combination.

"What are you lurking for?" Shitty sits up "Come and join us, Jack!"

Bitty turns around, and yes - there Jack is, standing on the porch with a lost expression on his face. Bitty smiles at him. He joins them, and looks at Bitty, with that special gleam in his eyes that makes Bitty want to cry or blush or scream. This boy will be the death of him.

Jack chirps Lardo for something, and Eric seriously needs to stop with the tunnel-vision thing. Only noticing Jack isn't exactly smart.

They drink beer and watch the clouds. Somehow Jack ends up with his head on Bitty's stomach, and he prays the captain can't feel his quickened pulse. At some point, Eric starts running his hand through Jack's hair, and it makes him make the most adorable content sound ever, like a pleased kitten.

"I'm hungry," Lardo declares and looks at Bitty.

"There's pie in the kitchen. Obviously," he grins at her, and she gets up. Shitty challenges him to empty a beer before she returns, and Jack sits up, expectation sparkling in his eyes. Bitty takes the cold can, opens it, and starts chugging. He barely manages to swallow the last bit of beer when Lardo returns, and Shitty cheers loudly and gives him a fist-bump.

"Nice work, Bittle," Jack smiles.

"Oh my gosh, that was... phew!" Bitty strangles a burp, and claps himself on the chest. Lardo chuckles and places the apple pie between the four of them. Each of them gets a fork, and then they just dig in.

"More beer, less pie!" Shitty yells after a moment, and pulls more beer out of the cooler. They decide to play a game. It's Lardo and Jack vs Bitty and Shitty.

They have to run for the beer, empty it, and then place it back on the ground, run around it ten times and then run back.

It's hard and he's very dizzy when they're done. Jack and Lardo won by the second, and Shitty complains as him and Bitty throw themselves on the blanket and starts eating pie again.

Lardo and Jack are hooting and doing a victory dance and it looks so ridiculous, Bitty can feel his heart swell for the team captain. There is something very special about Jack relaxing and acting silly.

"No matter what team Lardo is on, it would be unfair though," Shitty says thoughtfully and Bitty nods.

Jack falls back down on the blanket and leans his head against Eric's thigh, sighing and grinning. Oh God he is beautiful.

"Give me pie," he says.

"Take it yourself, bro," Shitty opens another beer. Jack pokes Bitty's side.

"Bittle, give me pie."

"Jack Zimmermann, are you asking me to feed you?" Bitty tries teasing, and hopes no one sees the blush in his cheeks. Jack just opens his mouth, and Bitty giggles. He takes a forkful of pie, and puts it in Jack's open mouth.

He continues feeding the tipsy Canadian, sometimes taking the bite for himself. It's fun, and they're both laughing like idiots.

"You guys are idiots," Lardo smiles fondly.

"You're an idiot," Jack says with his mouth full of pie, and Bitty giggles again.

Shitty and Lardo share a joint, as the sun sets, and Bitty and Jack share the last beer. Or, well, they try, but Jack can't drink it while lying down, and Bitty spills it all over his legs when he tries to pour it into the boy's mouth for him.

"Oh, no," he says and laughs again.

"Ah Bittle, you got it on my shirt," Jack laughs and gets up. He reaches out his hand, and pulls Bitty to his feet. They walk into the Haus together, still laughing. Bitty goes into the kitchen and dries his legs with a paper towel, and Jack disappears.

He returns in a fresh shirt, messy hair and a cute smile and Bitty takes a deep breath. He's drunk and he really wants to kiss Jack right now.

"Did you get it all?" Jack grins, and leans against the counter next to him.

"Yeah," Bitty looks up, and almost gasps at how close he is. Oh no, he does not have enough self control for this, not at all.

Jack is smirking, and he's so close, and all Bitty would have to do, is move his head a little to the right and lean in, and then they would be kissing. Jack's eyes drop, and Bitty's heart is racing. He is too drunk for this.

"Hey Zimmermann!" Shitty's voice sound, "You gonna wear your helmet for Class Day?".

Eric can feel the flush in his cheeks, and he quickly takes a step backwards. Jack looks up, as Shitty walks into the kitchen.

"Yeah, I think so," he replies.

"Wicked, brah!" Shitty starts talking about Class Day, and Bitty decides to hide in the bathroom. He drinks some water, and takes a few deep breaths. He almost kissed Jack! Not a good idea. He should be able to control himself these final days. Jack is straight, and he's leaving and nothing good will come of it.

He looks at himself in the mirror. He is a drunken mess, with dilated pupils and tousled hair. He needs sleep, he decides, and goes to bed.   

* * *

The next few days, Eric feels extremely awkward around Jack. He hides it well (he hopes), and Jack chirps him like he used too. He almost kissed Jack! Not a good way to end the year, by accidentally hitting on your straight friend.

After spending most of the day baking and helping Chowder pick a major, he walks upstairs after dinner. He looks at his room. He hasn't packed much yet. Better get started on that. I might distract him from what happens in a few days.

Bitty looks up in and nearly yelps in surprise. Jack is leaning against his doorframe, a small smile on his lips.

"Packing?" he asks.

"Yeah, well... I needed a distraction," Eric mumbles.

"Bittle, I..." Jack starts, just as he says:

"I wanted to...", they both stop talking and look at the other.

"You first," Jack nods. Eric takes a step closer to him, and takes a deep breath.

"I wanted to apologize. I mean, I had been drinking beer, and you... It wasn't, I didn't, um... I think you are - but you don't have to - I hope I didn't..." he rambles and Jack looks at him in confusion.

"Thanks - I think," Jack looks amused, and takes a step closer. He pulls Eric into a hug, and rests his head on top of his. Eric lets out a hitched breath, the closeness is amazing and horrible and he doesn't know what to say. Jack lets go of him, and smiles, before turning around and taking two steps towards his room.

"Oh fuck it," Bitty hears him mutter, and then he is back, right in front of Bitty's face, pulling him into a kiss.

Jack is kissing him!

How is this...? Jack is _kissing_ him!

Bitty 's brain stops working, and his knees give in under him, but Jack's arms are wrapped around his waist and keeps him from falling. Jack's lips are soft, but he presses them hard against Eric's, and makes a small sound in the back of his throat.

Eric realizes his arms are half-raised in the air, frozen in a weird angle at the shock from the kiss. He places one hand on Jack's shoulder, the other on his neck, inching it up towards his hair.

He pulls Jack closer, and deepens the kiss slightly. Jack rewards him with a small groan, and tugs gently at his bottom lip. Bitty can't stop the moan that escapes his mouth. Jack tastes amazing. Sweet, like strawberries and... something like... freshly fallen snow. Bitty presses himself even closer to Jack, and licks his lip. This is more incredible than he could have ever imagined.

Neither of them lets go to catch their breaths, they're both panting harder as the kiss grows more passionate. Bitty is tugging at Jack's hair, and Jack has one hand resting on Bitty's hip.

"Wait," Bitty gets out between kisses.

"What?" Jack kisses him.

"The..." Bitty pants, but gets sidetracked when Jack kisses his neck, "... unghh, the door..."

Jack stops and looks at him in confusion for a second, before turning around and kicking the door closed. Then he cups Bittle's cheek and kisses him again. He slowly guides Eric backwards, until he hits the bed behind him, and almost fall backwards. They both chuckle a little, and then Jack sits down, pulling Bittle onto his lap.

There's a lot of nibbling and grinding, and Jack's body feels amazing underneath his, but he's not ready to do more than kiss. Even though he kind of wants to, there's another part of him that is getting a little uneasy with the wandering hands.

Jack starts kissing his neck again, and _oh god_ \- it feels amazing, but he can feel his body freeze as Jack's hands crawl under his shirt, and up his sides. Oh no, he's not ready for _that_ just yet. Jack stops kissing him, and looks up at him with a small frown.

"Are you okay?" he asks and Bitty makes this nervous, high-pitched noise instead of the words he wants to use.

"Too fast for you?" Jack asks, and smiles a little sheepishly.

"Yeah..." Bitty nods.

"You should have told me," Jack says, and places his hand on Bitty's cheek. His thumb presses gently against Bitty's cheekbone, and he pulls him in for a gentle, careful kiss, "I don't want to pressure you."

They hug, and Eric breathes in Jack's scent. He simply can't believe they're here, hugging and kissing, on his bed. Never in a million years had he thought this would happen.

"Really Bitty, this is fine," Jack whispers.

"Thank you" Bittle smiles. They lie down on the bed, noses pressed together, legs tangled and hands on the other's waist. It's perfect, and Jack is nuzzling his nose, making him giggle a little. They kiss some more, but now it's slow and gentle. Bitty is savoring each little nibble Jack makes, humming in the back of his throat when Jack's tongue teases his mouth. _God,_ the taste of his mouth is unbelievable.

"I wish we could stay like this forever," Jack whispers softly, and looks at him with a hint of sadness in his eyes, "I wish I never had to leave this room."

"Me too," Bitty agrees and runs his fingers down the side of Jacks face slowly. Jack closes his eyes, and looks utterly relaxed and content. It's adorable, he really is like a small kitten.

"You're amazing," Jack mumbles and kisses him again. _So are you,_ Bitty thinks as he snuggles into Jack's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please tell me if you see any mistakes! 
> 
> I am on tumblr, [tutselutse](http://tutselutse.tumblr.com) if you want to say hi, and maybe cry about these two nerds and how much they need to start kissing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know I say updates would be regular, but this freaking chapter wouldn't stop _sucking_!! Ugh. I am still not completely happy with it. But here it is.

_Oh I wish that I_   
_Was looking into your eyes_

* * *

Bitty goes on more dates with Elliott, as the weather grows colder. Elliott likes to warm Bitty's hands with his own, and they exchange few kisses. It is nothing like the first night, now they are taking things slow. Luckily Elliott doesn't mind. In fact he seems to like getting to know Eric, and spend their dates talking and baking.

Eric hates to admit it, but he still can't forget the taste of sweet strawberries and fresh snow. He still can't let go of the feeling of Jack's lips against his. He can be having a perfectly good time with Elliott, really enjoying himself, but when their lips brush, he is reminded of what he lost.

He tries to forget how he could disappear in Jack's eyes, and forget his own name, when Elliott looks at him with his warm, black ones.

The first few months of his junior year, he wished Jack would change his mind. There was always that flicker of hope that one day, Jack would burst through the door of the Haus and tell him he made a mistake. That he would kiss him until neither of them could remember they once were apart.

But Jack didn't.

And now that hope was dead. Jack wasn't going to come back and undo what happened. No, that was just a childish dream. Eric had to face reality - Jack was never coming back.

 Maybe this is okay, though, he thinks to himself he walks down the street, hand in hand with Elliott. Maybe this is how a good relationship grows? Not with months of yearning, inappropriate lip-staring, and awkward flirting. But just quiet hand-holding, and fun movie nights and lots of baked goods.

When they sit down on a bench, and look at the river, Bitty takes a deep breath and starts talking. This dating is nice, but he needs to be honest will Elliott.

"I have to tell you something," he says warily. Elliott nods, encouraging him to continue.

"I like you, so I'm gonna be honest," he licks his lips nervously, "I loved someone, before summer vacation. And he broke my heart. I am _trying_ to move on, but it is hard. I don't want you to-"

"Bitty," Elliott interrupts, "you don't have to explain. I like you too. All of you, your extensive butter purchases, your hockey, and your broken heart."

Eric doesn't know what to say, he just hugs Elliott tightly.

"Taking it slow is fine," the boy whispers and Bitty sighs into his shoulder.

They walk back to the Haus, and when they are about to say goodbye, Bitty looks up at Elliott and smiles, as he strangles the yearning for blue eyes. He stands on his toes and kisses him, ready to forget.

* * *

Talking to Elliott really helps. Before Bittle couldn't help but feel like he was deceiving him, but now Elliott had said he understood and didn't mind. He was walking into the relationship with open eyes, well-knowing that Bitty wasn't completely fixed.

It takes a lot of weight off of his shoulders, and now he is able to relax more.

Actually most things are back to normal. He is doing well in school (although he still procrastinates), he is back to baking and watching hockey games. Sure, the occasional close-up of Jack's face is still painful. Usually he hides against Holster or Lardo, until it is over. No need to put himself through more than he is ready for.

Hockey is better as well. At first he was almost back to his old ways, but now checking doesn't scare him as much. The team's spirit is good, the new frogs fit in perfectly.

So all in all, Bitty is good. The yearn for snow and strawberries are rarer and rarer.

(Now all he has to do, is repress the fact that Lardo, Ransom and Holster are leaving him at the end of the school year.)

* * *

"My thesis is killing me," Holster groans one afternoon, when they are in the kitchen.

"That's what a thesis's are supposed to, right?" Dex looks up from his book.

"Dude, chill," Nursey chimes from the doorway and Dex rolls his eyes.

"Nursey, bro, you might wanna look up a new catchphrase," Holster grins, and then his smile dissolves into despair and he smacks his head onto the table.

"Now y'all, I've tried something new," Eric interrupts them and places the pie in front of them, "It's called Quiche Lorraine. It's French. Please tell me what you think."

They boys dig in, and Holster moans and gives Bitty thumbs up.

"What is it?" Chowder asks, and smiles, "It's really good!"

"Eggs, bacon, cheese," Bitty replies and cuts himself a piece

"It's like a breakfast pie!" Chowder beams, and Bitty pats his head. Chowder's enthusiasm is endearing.

"Yeah, I suppose it is," he agrees.

"Seriously, bro, this is the shit," Holster empties his plate, "I can't believe Rans is missing this."

"Where is Ransom anyway?" Bitty asks.

"Either he's asleep someplace weird. Or he's crying in the library," Holster replies, and after a moment adds "I should probably go find him". He leaves them with one last look at the pie, and Bitty smiles fondly at his frogs, as they devour their pieces.

"I better safe some for Rans and Lardo," he tells them, and take a quarter of the pie to put in the fridge. Then he joins them, and starts working on his paper.

He is almost done when a soft voice calls from the door.

"Hello gorgeous."

Bitty looks up, and smiles at Elliott's beautiful frame. The Art Major walks over, and kisses his cheek, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

"You guys are gross to look at," Dex says, and then he smiles that small Dex-smile, making sure they know it's a joke.

"I think you're adorable!" Chowder grins loudly.

"Thank you," Elliott sends them his dazzling crooked smile, "You ready to go?" he asks Bitty.

* * *

They take a walk along the river, and they take a few selfies. It's fun, and Bitty posts one of them on his twitter - the one where he is making a silly face and Elliott is laughing into his hair.

It's nice.

They spend the night in Elliott's dorm room, playing cards and drinking red wine and laughing. Bitty falls asleep on his bed, and wakes up the next morning to a _l_ o _v_ e _l_ y aftertaste in his mouth. Maybe he should keep a toothbrush in Elliott's bathroom?

The thought somehow makes him sad, it's like it's the final blow. He has a new boyfriend. Jack is busy with his career. It's over.

He sighs. He needs to stop comparing Elliott to Jack. It does him absolutely no good.

Elliott has made him a cup of coffee, and walks him to class. How is this boy for real? And why is he into Eric?

He shrugs it off and kisses him goodbye.

"Don't forget the party tonight," he reminds him, and Elliott beams.

* * *

Bitty is putting out cookies, when Lardo barges into the Haus.

"GUYS!" she yells, "Guess what?!"

Ransom opens his mouth to reply, but she cuts him off: "Never mind, you'll never get it. Shitty is coming tonight!"

Bittle jumps into her arms and grins - finally Shitty got time to come visit them!

"That was totally my guess, bro," he can hear Ransom mutter, before Holster has wrapped them all in a huge hug.

"This party is gonna be legend," the tall blonde laughs.

Elliott arrives early, and help getting the last things ready. He looks amazing, dressed in a black turtleneck and skinny jeans. Bitty is wearing his favorite cardigan and his white button down.

"You look great," Elliott whispers, and gives him a soft kiss.

"Thanks," Bitty blushes.

* * *

Bitty and Elliott are dancing to Love On Top, making faces as they sing and spin each other around. He makes Elliott laugh, and the dark-eyed man pulls him into a kiss.

"HELLO MOTHERFUCKERS!"

Bittle pulls back, and looks up at the door. Shitty is there, moustache, flow and grin in place.

"Shitty!" a chorus of voices yell, and Bitty has to fight several people to reach his friend, and wrap his arms around him.

"I missed you too Bits," Shitty mumbles, and Bitty has to blink a few tears away. God he has missed that boy!

"Shitty, I'd like you to meet Elliott. My - I guess - boyfriend," Bitty smiles and gestures to the taller boy behind him. Shitty looks up, surprise in his face. Elliott shakes his hand, but before they can talk, Dex, Nursey and Chowder tackles Shitty to the floor.

"Oh my..." Bittle grins.

"Let's go dance?" Elliott holds out his hand, and Eric takes it.

* * *

So apparently eavesdropping at Haus parties is Bitty's thing now? This time he was half-way up the stairs when he heard the voices.

"- a fucking boyfriend?! How could you, Lardo?" it sounds like Shitty. Angry Shitty. Eric quickly turns around, he doesn't want to snoop, when he hears his name.

"Why is Bitty's boyfriend bothering you?" Lardo's voice is even, but a little cold.

"You know why!" Shitty is practically yelling, "We were gonna fix it, remember? And now you _ruined_ it."

"First of all, don't talk to me like that. Ever!" Lardo is yelling now, too, "You weren't _here_ , Shitty! You didn't _see_ him!"

"I skyped -"

"It's not the same!" she sounds angrier than Bitty has ever heard before, "You didn't see him start shaking every time he looked at the oven! It took him a month to use it without looking sick. We _had_ to help him!"

"But Jack -"

"Fuck Jack!" she growls, "Jack made his choice! Bitty owes him _nothing_!"

Eric gulps and runs down the stairs. He should not have heard that. He should definitely not have heard that!

He didn't know Lardo was so angry with Jack.

Elliott looks at him with surprise, but it quickly turns into concern when he sees him.

"Are you okay?" he asks. Bitty nods.

Shitty wanted to fix it? How? What?

He needs to be alone. He tells Elliott he needs a moment, and the other nods in understanding. Elliott truly is a blessing.

* * *

Bitty sits on the porch, wrapped in a big sleeping bag. He can see his own breath. The words from the argument is spinning through his head. He is happy that his friends wanted to fix things, and he's also really happy Lardo defended him.

Still, she used to be so close with Jack. Bitty hates being the cause of their fallout. He never wanted any one to pick sides!

He bites his lip and looks up at the sky. It's suddenly hitting him just how much he _misses_ Jack!

Not the kissing, or the potential relationship. He misses their banter, taking the food class together. Just... Just the friendship. They were so close, and now it's like they were never even friends.

A tear runs down his cheek.

What a mess.

Lardo and Shitty aren't supposed to argue! He wants to help them, but how can he, without revealing how much he heard?

The door opens, and someone walks out.

"There you are Bits," Shitty says.

"You were looking for me?" Eric asks, and Shitty sits down next to him. They sit in silence for a while. Bitty wants to say something, but he doesn't know how to start.

"So, Elliott huh?" Shitty finally starts.

"I like him," Bitty says, suddenly feeling very defensive on his boyfriend's behalf.

"But he's not Jack," Shitty looks up, his green eyes shining sadly in the dimmed light.

"Jack didn't want me," Eric sighs. He's not sure he wants to have this conversation right now. Or ever.

"That's bullshit, Bits," Shitty's voice is hard, "we both know he does."

"No!" Bitty snaps, "he broke my heart! Don't try to make me feel guilty for moving on!"

"You're right," Shitty sighs in defeat, "I am sorry, Bitty," his voice is soft and small, and he wraps his arms around Bitty and hugs him tightly.

"I guess I was just really rooting for you two," he mumbles after a while.

Instead of replying, Eric just wraps the sleeping bag around his friend, and they sit together for a while. Shitty has always been good at cuddling, and Bitty really missed it.

"We should get back inside soon," he says after several minutes. They untangle themselves and get up.

"And Bitty," Shitty smirks, "Elliott does seem nice."

It makes him chuckle as he walks back inside. Good old Shitty,

* * *

Bitty decides to talk to Lardo right away. He can't stand the thought of her angry with Jack. He looks around the party, and finds her in the kitchen.

"Are you mad at Jack?" he asks her, and her eyes widen.

"No," she says, "and yes."

"Don't be," Bitty tells her seriously, taking her hand, "he's your friend, don't mess that up."

"But he is being such an idiot," she smiles weakly.

"It doesn't matter," Eric insists, "Nobody is picking sides, understood?"

Lardo hugs him and promises she won't. God bless her. Then she gets them another beer and they join the others in the living room.

There is dancing and beer and singing along to Lady Gaga and Bitty is having a good time again. Lardo and Shitty disappear, probably to talk it out, and Chowder stumbles around.

* * *

Elliott spends the night in Bitty's room. He hooks one of his ankles with one of Eric's, but otherwise he doesn't try to spoon. Elliott falls asleep fast, and his soft, rhythmic breathing tickles Bitty's neck.

Bittle can't fall asleep. He tries, but his head is filled with Shitty's words " _I guess I was just really rooting for you two,_ " and the fact that he misses Jack.

He misses the chirping, and Jack guessing 'Taylor Swift' on every guess, and just... them. The friendship was so good, and so much more than he could have hoped for. _How can Jack not miss it?!_

How has Jack spent all these months? Has he been hurting as well? Has he spent them thinking of Bitty, as much as Bitty has thought of him? It seems unlikely. If he had, wouldn't he have _called?_ Bitty sighs. Maybe he should call? Just to say hi...

He has enough pride, enough stubbornness to stop himself. If Jack can carry on with no contact, then so can Bitty! It is not his place. Jack should be the one apologizing.

Elliott sighs in his sleep, and Eric bites his lip and looks at the ceiling. He shouldn't be thinking of Jack like this! This is wrong, he tells himself. _Get it together, Bittle._

He wraps his arms around his stomach and closes his eyes. If only the pain from missing Jack would go away. Then he would be fine. It's not fair.

He didn't want it to be like this, and _he's_ the one getting hurt!

Maybe Lardo is right to be angry with Jack.

_No_ , a voice says in the back of his head, and he swallows. He can't stay angry. Moving on is letting go. Maybe he should revisit the _Frozen_ soundtrack in the morning. Maybe that would help?

When he finally falls asleep, he dreams of being lost in a large, shining ice castle. He skates around the halls, looking for the right shade of blue, not sure he is alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, tell me if you spot any mistakes! 
> 
> I hope this was okay. *sigh*


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the flashback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really sad, okay? I'm sorry!

_Now the lesson's learned_   
_I touched it  
_ _I was burned_

* * *

 

**[Bitty's sophomore year, not long before Graduation]**

 

Bitty wakes up to the heartbreakingly cute sight of Jack Zimmermann sleeping. He looks so peaceful, all the usual worry washed off his face. Bitty's heart feels double size as he watches his former captain. _God,_ he's so smitten, it's a little ridiculous. He licks lips, savoring how swollen they are, and the hint of _Jack_ he still can taste.

Kissing Jack could easily turn into a full time job.

He snuggles back down and tries to sleep, but now he has awoken and discovered the hot Canadian ass in his bed, it proves difficult to calm his pulse.

In the end, he has to get up. He needs his kitchen (and his oven!). Jack kind of earned himself one hell of a pie last night. Bitty gets up, and scribbles a quick note for Jack:

" _Went into the kitchen_  
 _Bittle_ xx"

Then he strolls down the stairs and into the kitchen, singing to himself. The rhubarb pie is baking nicely, and he's cleaning up when others join him in the kitchen, talking about the ceremony and summer and their hangovers. He hopes no one notices the blush in his cheeks, as he drinks a glass of juice, and tries to look nonchalant.

When the pie is done, Shitty sends him a knowing smile over Ransom's head, and he has to take a deep breath as he serves the pie. How does Shitty _know_? The team praise him, and stuff pie into their mouths like they haven't eaten in days.

Jack still hasn't joined them in the kitchen, so Bitty decides to carry a piece up to him. There is a hint of an uneasy feelinng in his stomach as he ascends the stairs. He knocks gently on Jack's door, and almost gasp when it's pulled open. Jack's hair is wet, and he has a surprised look in his eyes when he sees Eric standing there with a plate and a nervous smile.

"I made pie," he says and the corner of Jack's mouth turns up.

"Thanks Bittle," he reaches for the plate, but stops "You, er, you wanna come inside?"

"Why, yes I would," Bitty grins and walks through the door, "Thank you for asking."

He hands Jack the plate, and sits down on the edge of his bed. The captain stands awkwardly with the plate for a while, before placing it on his desk.

"Look, Bittle - I," he runs a hand through his hair, "I have to talk to you," he looks at Bitty with sadness in his beautiful eyes, and Bitty has to take a deep breath. Oh no!

"Last night was..." Jack starts, but frowns, "I really like you Bittle."

"Why does it feel like you're about to say 'but'?" Bitty asks, and his voice sounds higher than usual.

" _Fuck,_ " Jack groans and sits down on the floor, "I can't be with you. I - I have to focus on my career now, I can't..." he's shaking now, and Bitty joins him on the floor, taking his hands

"Deep breath Jack, come on," he whispers as soothingly as he can. Because obviously Eric Bittle will take care of Jack Zimmermann, even when he's breaking his heart.

"Talk to me," he urges, and gives Jack's hands a squeeze.

"My professional hockey career depends on how I do with the Falconers, and the press will be all over me - I just... After going to rehab and the... I can't have any personal things they can dig into," his eyes are so blue and so, so sad as he looks up at Bittle through his thick lashes.

"What do you mean?" Eric asks and narrows his eyes. Suddenly there's a very bitter taste in his mouth.

"Well, if I were to come out... It's not exactly good for my career," Jack whispers and Bitty can't help it, he drops his hands like they burned his palms.

"I see," he says, and he's surprised by how cool his voice sounds.

"Bitty..." Jack pleads, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, it's not like..." his voice trails off and he crawls to his feet, and wrings his hands together.

"Look, I really like you. I do!" Jack gets up too, "But I just can't handle another _scandal_ so early in my -"

"Did you just call me a _scandal_?" Bitty cries, "How dare you!"

"Bittle, I'm sorry... I didn't mean..." he rambles, not looking up from the floor.

"I can't even look at you!" Bitty sneers and storms out of the room. He thunders down the stairs and through the Haus, not really looking, just running and running.

He's so _angry!_ What the hell was last night about, if he didn't want him?! Why did he even kiss him?

Bittle doesn't notice where he is going, until he has reached Faber, and is brought face to face with the spot where Jack told him 'it was a lucky shot'.

Standing there makes all his anger drain out of him, and he's left with nothing but sadness. No, scratch that. He's not sad. He's _devastated_. He didn't even know he was crying, but suddenly he can't see for tears, and his entire body is shaking.

His hands touches the pavement, the hard concrete stinging his palms. When did he fall down? It doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

* * *

 

Lardo finds him. He's not sure how long he's been sitting on the ground, but suddenly a small arm wraps around his shoulders and the familiar scent of flowers and lemon tells him it's her. She hugs him for a while, and then gently helps him to his feet. God bless Lardo.

They go back to the Haus and she makes him sit in the kitchen, while she makes him a cup of tea. No one bothers them, in fact the Haus in unusually quiet.

"You hungry?" she asks and Bitty shakes his head. He mostly feels nauseous.

Drinking tea helps, though. That, and sitting with Lardo, enjoying the silence. Bitty isn't sure how much she knows, but she obviously knows enough. Her smile is comforting, but he can see the sadness hiding behind it.

Shitty walks into the kitchen and smiles at them. He seems nervous, a little edgy. He probably talked to Jack while Bitty cried in front of Faber.

"You should talk to him," Shitty says.

"When you're ready," Lardo adds quickly.

"He is upstairs," Shitty gives him a pointed look and Bitty takes a deep breath.

"Better get it over with," he quickly downs the rest of his tea and walks out. He stops in front of Jack's door, and knocks before he can change his mind. The sound is like the bells ringing before his execution.

"Bittle," Jack says when he opens the door. He steps aside and let's Eric walk in. He seems different, more calm, more collected than before.

"Shitty told me to talk to you," Bitty tells him and crosses his arms. Seeing Jack's face has refueled some of his anger - which is probably the only thing keeping him from crying again.

"Yes, I um..." Jack clears his throat, "I didn't mean that you were a scandal. I'm sorry I said that."

Bitty nods in reply.

"I am really sorry for the way I handled it," Jack continues. He looks down at Bittle, with the same calculating look he uses for hockey plays. He is back in robot-mode, keeping Bittle at a distance. So, there will be no happy outcome from this conversation, Eric thinks.

"What happened? What changed between last night and this morning?" he asks. He needs to know.

"Nothing changed," Jack answers and it's like a kick in the gut, "I never... Last night was a goodbye, Bittle."

"A goodbye?!" he exclaims, "You didn't think about telling _me_ that, _before you kissed me_?!" his face is red, he can feel the heat in his cheeks. Jack looks at him with a defeated look.

"I wasn't planning to kiss you. It just... happened," he licks his lips nervously "Again, I am sorry". Bitty runs his hands through his hair. This is unbelievable.

"What makes you think you can just kiss me, and then break my heart like this?" he asks, as hot tears starts streaming down his face again.

"I just had to... Suddenly I couldn't leave without kissing you," Jack looks at his feet. Eric huffs in reply. The words would've meant the world to him a few days ago, but now they make him want to throw up.

"This is killing me too, Bittle" Jack looks at him, and he can almost see the facade crumble, "I wish I could be with you, and the fact that I can't... It hurts so much."

"No, no!" Bitty is almost yelling again, "You don't get to talk about how it hurts. You made this decision, not me!" he jabs his finger at the taller boy.

"Bitty..." Jack whispers.

"Don't..." Eric sniffles, "Just don't..."

"I am so sorry," Jack squares his jaw, "But I have to do this."

"And what am I supposed to do?" Bitty asks through quivering lips. Jack meets his gaze and swallows.

"You move on," he replies with a blank face. Bitty stares at him for a moment, but there is really nothing else to say. He turns his back on Jack and walks straight into his own room. He throws himself on his bed, and cries into his pillow, holding Senior Bunny close against his chest.

* * *

The last days before graduation are horrible. Jack is polite, but keeping a distance, and Bitty doesn't know what to say. Jack is determined, and the decision is not up to discussion. And that's it.

He's pretty sure Lardo and Shitty tries though.

Bitty just pours all his attention and energy into making the last days as nice for the graduates as possible. Especially Shitty.

And then it's Graduation Day and he has to look nice and support his friends. Lardo holds his hand the entire day, and the whole team seems to take turns giving him a supportive hug or squeeze.

* * *

Saying goodbye is the hardest, weirdest thing Bitty has ever had to do. He cries into Shitty's t-shirt for five minutes straight, clinging to his friend, like it's the last time they will ever see each other. Shitty hugs him just as tightly, and he has tears in his eyes when he looks down at him

"We'll skype, Bits. All the damn time" he promises and Bitty buries his head in his chest again, "I'll visit, 'kay?" Shitty says, and Eric has to let go. Ransom and Holster are hugging Jack, and Shitty only has to say goodbye to Lardo now. Chowder wraps his arm around Bittle and it gives him strength for what comes next.

Not enough though. Nothing will ever be enough for what he has to do now.

Jack escapes the Ransom-Holster sandwich, and looks at Bitty with those piercing blue eyes. Oh God. He's never gonna be able to do this. He looks to the right, but the sight of Shitty and Lardo clinging to each other makes another wave of tears fill his eyes. He takes a step closer to Jack, and presses his lips together. He _will not_ break down.

"Goodbye," Jack says.

"Goodbye," Bitty replies. They stare at each other, not sure what to do. A part of him wants to hug Jack, another is still angry, and the rest of him is just trying to remember how to breathe. In the end Jack's says:

"Take care" and then that's that.

"You too".

Bitty turns around, just as Lardo gives Shitty a peck on the lips and they let go of each other. The frogs all stand around him, Dex and Nursey with a hand on each of his shoulders, and Chowder holds his hand. He is so grateful. Without them he would have crumbled.

The rest of the goodbyes are less painful, and Lardo makes him promise to call her as much as he needs. They are all so sweet, and Bitty is so glad they'll be there next year. He's gonna miss them all so much!

Still, it's a relief when Mama Bittle pulls up. Bitty has never been so happy to see his mother in his life. Going home, away from the Haus, the memories, will do him good.

His mother seems surprised by how tightly he's hugging her at first, but then she pulls him closer. God bless her.

Bitty doesn't look back at the Haus when he leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, you made it through the sadness! Congrats!
> 
> I promise I will make it all better! Just... not until August, cuz' I'm going on vacation! (I will be thinking about the last chapter the whole time though. my brain never stops)
> 
> Have a lovely summer! I'll be back!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys! Here's the final chapter! I hope you like it. It is a little longer than the others, which I hope is okay!

_Take me away_   
_Oh, no more mistakes_   
_'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay_

* * *

It's the beginning of December and Samwell is still waiting for the first snowfall. Ransom has been complaining for days, his Canadian heart breaking at the thought of Christmas without snow, but Bittle actually doesn't mind it so much. Of course the lake is  _gorgeous_ when completely frozen over, and nothing gives serenity like a snow covered landscape. But as long as the roads are clear, Bitty can keep on running for exercise.

His mind is the most at ease after a good run. He feels good about himself, happy and ready to face the world. The cold air hurts his lungs but he likes it. He finishes his usual route and walks back into the Haus. Chowder is sprawled over the floor, surrounded by books and notes and pencils.

"Hi Bitty," he says in his usual loud and happy voice, "did you have a good run?"

"Hey Chowder," Bitty replies, "yes I did."

Ransom is laughing loudly and a little manically in the kitchen. He has been having some serious mood swings since he started writing his thesis. Bitty decides not to see what is happening, and heads for the stairs. Last time he sounded like that, it was over a cat video on YouTube. Ten minutes later Holster had found him crying because "I forgot Amy Poehler didn't win an Emmy". Poor Ransom.

After a long, warm shower, Bitty makes dinner. A large portion of pasta with a creamy mushroom sauce. He makes Chowder and Ransom eat too. Chowder beams and starts slurping pasta while he continues reading. Ransom doesn't look up from his computer, he just types aggressively on his keyboard and frowns deeper than what should be okay.

Holster appears, with Attsy under his arm. The gangly frog grins when Bitty hands him a plate of food. The new frogs are still a little helpless when it comes to living away from home (Bitty has helped poor Beckers with his laundry more than once in the past weeks).

When he has finished dinner, he rinses his plate and goes to his room. He has a big paper he needs to write.

* * *

The paper on the Civil War is hard and a big part of his final grade, so aside from hockey and classes, Bitty doesn't have time for anything other than writing. Okay, he totally makes four rhubarb pies on the third day. The oven had been staring accusingly at him, he had no choice!

On the fourth day he emerges, somewhat satisfied with his result. Now all it needs is editing - loads of it - but he can handle that _and_ talk to other people.

Holster takes him out for coffee and they discuss _Brooklyn 99_ for a whole hour ("Oh my God Bits, it's a relief to talk to someone not crazy for a change.") and they return to the Haus  with red cheeks and big grins.  Ransom is asleep on the green couch, and Bitty frowns at the blue around his mouth.

"What did he eat?" he whispers to Holster.

"No clue, but it doesn't look healthy?" Holster looks concerned.

"He drank some blue soda and bounced around the living room, rambling like a maniac," Nursey says when he walks through the door, "looks like he finally came down from that sugar high."

"On the _couch_ ," Bitty grimaces.

"Let's just let him sleep," Holster says and pats Bitty on the shoulder.

* * *

Elliott calls him that night and asks him if he'd like to take a walk the next day. Bitty doesn't think much of it, he just agrees and gets to work on the editing process. Checking his references is tedious and takes a lot of time.

When Elliott picks him up, Eric wonders if he should be worried. There is something melancholic in Elliott's eyes. Bitty bites his lip as he wraps his scarf around his neck and follows him out the door. Elliott asks him how the paper is going, but he doesn't really look like he's listening to Bitty's reply.

"We have to talk," Elliott says. Eric _knew_ it! Something is up.

Elliott sits down on a bench, his curls flying in the wind. Bitty sits down next to him and gives him an encouraging smile.

"Eric, I..." the taller boy starts, shifting his feet nervously, "Look, I met you and you were so... You were all I've ever wanted. You are cute, kind and a southern belle. You are so bright, making everyone around you happy. But there was something in your eyes. A sadness. And I wanted to make it disappear."

"Elliott," Bitty tries, but Elliott shakes his head.

"I wanted to save you," he says in the softest voice, "but I see now that was a mistake."

"What do you mean?" Eric frowns.

"You are not mine to save," his eyes look so sad, "In fact, I don't think you are anyone's to save."

"I'm still confused?" Eric runs a hand through his hair, "I can't be _saved?"_

"No, no!" Elliott blinks rapidly, "I mean, _you_ can save you. You don't need a Prince Charming. But damn I wanted to be yours."

"Are you breaking up with me?" Bitty asks, his voice small.

"Yes...." he presses his lips together.

"Oh," Bitty has to fight back tears.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry," Elliott has tears in his eyes as well, "I don't want to end this on bad terms."

"You aren't..." Bitty sucks in a deep breath and leans in for a hug. They sit with their arms wrapped around each other, in silence, thinking it through. Bitty is sad, he really is. Elliott is a great guy. But he also notices the difference in sadness compared to when Jack broke up with him. Back then everything had hurt.

Now, aside from being sad it's over, he is mostly sad that he couldn't fall in love with Elliott. He's sad because he hurt Elliott, and himself. Mostly he is just sad that moving on is still a struggle.

"Promise me one thing," Elliott says and lets go, instead cupping one of Bitty's cheeks.

"Yes?"

"Make sure you are treated right," his voice is very serious, "don't put up with shit. And fight for what you want."

"That's two things, "Bitty jokes and then smiles, "I promise."

"I don't want you to be treated badly."

"Me neither," he tries another joke.

"You deserve all best," Elliott wipes a tear of off Bitty's cheek.

"Thank you," Bitty whispers, "for all of this. You _did_ help me. Really."

Elliott doesn't say anything, instead he wraps his arms around Eric and hugs him again. They sit together until they are both shaking from the cold. Then they say goodbye, squeezing each other's hands and pressing their foreheads together.

* * *

Lardo takes over dinner after one look at Eric's blue lips and clattering teeth. He already put on another hoodie but she insist on him sitting down while she makes tomato soup. Everyone gathers around the table and Bitty tells them what happened. Holster and Dex look like they are about to run out and confront Elliott, not caring about the steaming soup Lardo is pouring into bowls.

"He _dumped_ you?" Chowder looks like someone cancelled Christmas.

"It was mutual. Almost," Bitty says from the tent of blankets Lardo wrapped him in.

"That makes no sense," Holster knits his brow.

"I'm not mad at him," Eric tries to untangle his arm and eat the soup, "I am just sad."

"You are too nice sometimes," Dex says.

"Seriously Bits, you're allowed to be mad," Holster says, "Elliott is an idiot for not wanting you."

"Thank you Holster, I appreciate it," Bitty says from his blanket burrito, "can someone please help me eat?"

"Where is Ransom?" Lardo asks, when she's finally sitting down, after helping Eric free his arm.

"I - he went to by blue soda, like, an hour ago?" Dex freezes when he sees the look on Holster's face.

"Fuck," Holster gets up, "I told him to stop with that crap"

"I'll help you find him," Lardo stands up as well. She sends them all a very strict look, as if to say 'stay here and eat'. Everyone obeys. The soup is warm and delicious, and Bitty can finally feel the warmth spread through his body.

After dinner he makes himself and the others hot cocoa and carries his blanket and mug upstairs to get to work.

* * *

Bitty ends up not really having time to be sad over the break-up, because the team suddenly have a new problem to deal with: Ransom.

He is an absolute mess. The prospect of final exams, graduating and finishing his thesis has fried his brain. He seems addicted to the sugary drinks that keep him up, so he can study. But it makes him crash in the weirdest places.

Holster starts making sure he gets to bed at a reasonable hour ("I have to spoon him like a crazy octopus to make sure he stays put"). Bitty and Nursey are in charge of feeding him, which means Bitty cooks and Nursey makes sure he finishes the meal (the first morning he practically has to hold him down). Bitty also packs him a lunch every day (with cookies).

Lardo sits Ransom down and schedules his time, so he has clear study hours and also has free time. Chowder and Dex take turns dragging him into the living room to play Mario Kart, so they can all be sure he actually does something other than study.

They team up and take turns going to Founders with him. Ransom seems grateful, and after a few days his eyes start to look alive again. Bitty is a little ashamed to admit that he liked not being the mess of the group anymore. He loves nurturing people, he thinks to himself as he hands Ransom a cup of tea and a slice of pie.

"Thanks Bitty," Ransom smiles and takes a sip before he reads through his notes.

Helping people is rewarding and Bitty goes to bed with a little smile on his lips.

* * *

Shitty curses loudly on Skype when he tells him he is single again. They talk about the break-up for a while, and suddenly things make a lot of sense to Eric.

"I think..." he knits his brow, "I think that it's a good thing we broke up. I should have missed him more in the past week, but all I cared about was Ransom. I think we reached the end of what it was supposed to be."

"That's good news, brah," Shitty smiles, "I'm glad you're okay. And taking care of Ransom, the stupid fucker."

"You miss us," Bitty teases, "my goodness, he was a mess when Holster and Lardo found him. Blue lips and tongue from the soda's, ink all over his hands, muttering to himself."

"It's good you got his back," Shitty chews on a pencil, "I should come down and visit soon."

"We'd all like that," Eric beams.

* * *

Nursey and Chowder have Ransom in the kitchen, with his books and a blueberry pie, and Nursey reassures Bitty he can take the run he wants.

"We got this," he promises.

"Good," Bitty nods and starts walking towards the door, turning around to add: "I won't be long."

Nursey rolls his eyes, and smiles, so Bitty leaves him to it. Obviously the old frogs needs to learn how to adult, he has to trust them.

The air is cold and crystal clear, and the run feels wonderful. Bitty stops where he usually turns around, checks his phone, but since there are no messages, he takes a small detour on the way back home. Using his muscles, pushing himself almost to the edge, feels great. When he rounds the corner and is able to see the Haus, he slows his pace a little, letting his breath calm and his legs cool down a little.

Eric isn't really thinking, he's just listening to Nicki and enjoying the way his feet hits the hard pavement. There is a shape waiting outside the Haus. It's not until he's too close to hide his surprise that he recognizes who it is.

It's Jack.

Jack Zimmermann, in a winter jacket, with his hands in his pockets and hunched shoulders.

Jack looking nervous.

Jack trying to smile when he reaches him.

"Bittle," he says.  Bitty's breath hitches at the sound. Oh God, his voice! He didn't know how much he missed it! He doesn't know how to react. His emotions are a mess, anger, sadness and happiness pulsing through him in one big mess.

"Jack," he isn't able to create more words. Jack is there! If it wasn't for the slightly longer hair, and the three days old scruff, Bitty might think he was hallucinating. But there is no way his imagination could have made up the almost ragged look, or the nervousness and softness in those blue, blue eyes.

"I -" Jack licks his lips, "Shitty told me you broke up with your boyfriend."

"We broke up, yes," Bitty furrows his brows, "how did you know about Elliott?"

"Shitty told me," Jack looks at his feet, embarrassed. Good.

"Why are you here, Jack?" Bitty might be a mess on the inside over seeing him, but you can bet he won't let Jack see it.

"Bittle I fucked up," Jack runs a hand through his hair. Bitty just lifts his eyebrow, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I miss you," Jack says and visibly winces, "I mean... I never should have pushed you away. Not talking to you has been hell. I just.. I thought no contact would be better for you, to move on, you know?"

"You tried to Edward Cullen me?" Bitty snorts loudly.

"What? Who?" the confusion on Jacks face is almost adorable.

"Gheez Jack, open the internet once in a while," he can't help but be snarky.

"I never should have done what I did," Jack steps closer, "and I was hoping we could..."

" _Jack_ ," Bitty lifts a hand to stop him. He needs to say something before Jack's words and eyes pulls him back in. He clears his throat and starts: "I missed you so much. And I can't deny that there is a part of me that just wants to forget it and go back. But I _can't_. You did something awful to me, and if I forgive you the moment you show up in my life again, then _I_ am not showing myself the respect I deserve."

"I'm not asking you to," Jack says softly, "I just want to talk to you again."

"Oh," Bitty's mouth hangs open, "I really missed talking to you too," he admits after a moment.

The look in Jack's eyes makes Bitty want to hide under a blanket, or scream into a pillow. He looks so _happy_. So relieved. God, Jack Zimmermann is still more beautiful than anyone else Bitty has ever seen.

"Can... can I come inside?" Jack shuffles his feet.

"Oh, of course! You must be freezing," he starts walking to the door. Jack follows, walking behind him. He notices the curtains flutter, and there is the sound of shuffling feet and muttering when they walk through the door. It turns out Nursey, Chowder and Ransom were watching them through the window.

"Hi" Nursey says brightly, and in no way as inconspicuous as intended.

"I know y'all were watching," Bitty rolls his eyes, "I'm gonna shower. There should be more pie in the kitchen," he tells Jack.

As he leaves them, he can hear Ransom whisper: "You owe me five dollars."

Who is owing him money, Bitty doesn't find out. He spends a long time in the shower, letting the warm water soothe him. He is still confused. Jack is back. He got an apology, and a invitation to being friends again. He's not sure what he's supposed to do now. They are probably going to talk it out, because just becoming friends after this seems unrealistic and a little stupid.

Still, he missed Jack so much. If he is honest, he's not sure if he can stay away from him. He looks at himself in the mirror after he gets out of the shower. They can be friends, right?

It could be done.

Bitty gets dressed and spends another twenty minutes playing Candy Crush on his phone, postponing his inevitable return to the kitchen. When he finally stands up and takes a deep breath to steady himself, there is a knock on the door.

"Bitty, can I come in?" it's Lardo.

"Yes," he calls and pushes Señor Bunny under his blanket. She enters his room with a tender smile and runs a hand through her already windswept hair.

"So, I thought you might wanna talk," she says.

"Thanks," he sits back down on his bed, and she joins him, "I'm still in shock I think."

"Makes sense," Lardo nods, "what a stunt to pull. Typical Jack. Is it supposed to be romantic, or did he just suddenly decide to drop by?" she snorts.

"I have no idea," Bitty's laugh is humorless.

"What did he say?" she asks.

"He apologized and told me he wanted to talk to me again," he looks at his hands.

"What did you reply to that?" she sounds wary, like his answer might be a reason to be concerned.

"I told him I missed talking to him too," Bitty admits and he hears her sigh, "and I told him we couldn't just go back."

"Oh Bits," Lardo hugs him, "I'm proud of you," she says into his shoulder.

He hugs her back and they sit together for a while, as he prepares himself to go downstairs. Finally he lets go and takes her hand. She nods encouragingly and they make their way to the kitchen.

* * *

The team is cramped into the kitchen, talking and eating the pie when Bitty and Lardo walk in. Jack looks up with an almost eager expression and Bitty drops his gaze when their eyes meet. Lardo pours them two mugs of coffee, and they sit down next to Chowder.

Ransom and Chowder seem determined to eliminate all awkward silence together, and they take turns asking questions and talking. Bitty appreciates the effort, Ransom wouldn't normally describe his grandmother's knitting in such detail. It's kind of sweet.

"Hey guys there's a-" Holster stops talking when he sees Jack. He blinks a couple of times, processing the scene in front of him. Then he smiles.

"Jack, welcome back!" he walks over and claps his former captain on the arm, "took you long enough."

Jack has the decency to blush a little and stutter his response. Bitty sends Holster a thankful smile. For some reason the event eases some of the tension out of the room and the conversation is slightly less forced after that. Bitty looks down at his and Lardo's linked hands. She gives him a squeeze.

Dex walks inside and he frowns deeply when he sees Jack. Even when Bitty tries to send him a 'it's okay' smile, he still crosses his arms and squares his jaw. Jack looks at the floor, and everyone stops talking.

"Did he forgive you?" Dex asks.

"I - uh, we haven't talked - much," Jack trips over his words. Nursey gets to his feet and pulls Dex out of the room by his collar, and Bitty can hear him mutter: "God, Poindexter, what your problem?"

Dex's reply drowns in the sound of scraping chairs as everyone gets up. Lardo gives Bitty one last squeeze before following the team outside, leaving him alone with a very sheepish looking Jack.

"To answer Dex's question, no I haven't," Bitty hears himself say. Jack looks up, sadness burning in his eyes.

"I understand," he murmurs.

"I want to, and also don't want to," Eric leans his elbows on the table, "there's a lot of conflicting feelings."

"I'd imagine so," Jack almost smiles, "my feelings are very simple though. I am just _sorry_!"

"That's... good," Bittle licks his lips.

"I mean, I was selfish and rude and just... Hockey shouldn't mean more than everything else," he leans closer to Bitty, "I never should have put it ahead of you and me - especially not our friendship."

"I -" Eric stops, not sure what to say. The intensity in the blue eyes staring at him makes it really hard to think straight.

"It was wrong, _I_ was wrong," Jack closes his eyes, and Bitty takes a breath of relief, "Bittle, you mean so much to me. I really don't want to go back to not talking to you. But I will, if you want me to. If I am too late."

"It's not," Eric's voice is hoarse, and there are tears in his eyes.

Jack sighs loudly, like he can't believe it. Honestly, neither can Bitty. He never thought they would sit down and have this talk.

"Jack," he sits up straighter, "I had to come back here and continue without you. I had to play hockey without you. I had to use the oven you bought me without you. Thinking that you didn't want me. It was the most horrible experience of my life."

"I know Bittle, I know," Jack's voice is small.

"It was so..." he makes a groaning sound, unable to find a word that covers it, "we can be friends again. But it will take time."

"All the time you need," Jack promises.

"Good, good," Bitty nods. They smile awkwardly at each other. There isn't more to say right now.

The door slams open and the team stumble back inside. Lardo is first, and she walks over to Jack, where they have one of their silent conversations, consisting mostly of looks and the occasional eyebrow raise. Ransom and Holster are carrying a pile of pizza boxes, Chowder drops down next to Bitty and hugs him. Jack and Lardo hug too, and Bitty can't help but smile.

When Dex and Nursey sit down and everyone attacks the pizza's, Bitty feels a lot more home than he has in months. He kind of hates that Jack has that effect on him.

As they eat, Bitty wonders if Dex and Nursey fought? Dex's hair is messy, and Nursey looks flustered. He grabs another slice and pushes his worry back. If they need help, they'll ask. Or, more likely, Chowder will ask.

Jack leaves after dinner, waving at them all before heading out into the cold nigh air. The whole experience has left Bitty exhausted, so he heads up to bed. Luckily he doesn't have trouble sleeping. It's like his brain really wanted a break, because he's out the moment he lies down, and he doesn't dream.

* * *

It feels like he went to bed seconds before, when he wakes up. But no, his room is filled with light, and his alarm clock is blaring.

He should get up, but _God_ his bed is soft and warm. He groans into his pillow and curls up into a ball. It's one of those mornings were everything outside the covers seem cold and unwelcome. He opens his eyes again, and takes a deep breath.

Bitty starts by sitting up, still wrapped in his blankets, and pushes his drapes to side. The bright whiteness makes his eyes hurt. He squeezes them shut, and winces. Then, slowly he eases them open, and looks outside. Everything is covered in a soft layer of freshly fallen snow.

It's beautiful, peaceful.

Eric sighs happily and leans against his window frame.

Then he gets up and scurries across the cold floor to his closet. He gets dressed in a rush, and makes his way downstairs, ready for a new day. In snow.

* * *

Later when he is hunched over his homework, his phone beeps.

' _Thanks for listening to me yesterday. It meant a lot.'_ Bitty stares at the text from Jack for five minutes.

' _I'm glad you came by'_ he ends up replying, not really sure what else to say.

' _Me too,'_

_'Did you get home before the snowfall?'_

_'Yes, I did. So, is Ransom happy now?'_

_'Oh God, he has been throwing snowballs at everyone all day.'_

_'A true Canadian.'_

They continue texting, and Bitty finds himself laughing out loud more than once. Apparently one of Jack's team-mates ran around naked in the snow, and made snow angels. He had been dared to do it.

* * *

The exams are over them, and aside from sweating over his own, Bitty and the team all put in an extra effort to keep Ransom somewhat sane. It was surprisingly easy - Ransom seemed to have gotten a lot more calm in the past week.

Bitty isn't sure how his paper on the Civil War is going to do, but he definitely aced his other exams. They celebrate with loads of beer and cookies. Lardo beats their asses in beer pong, and everyone end up with their arms around each other, screaming along to Chandelier.

Bitty stumbles to bed, and falls asleep with his shoes still on his feet.

The next day is a blur of hangovers and packing and baking Christmas cookies for everyone. Holster falls asleep with his head on the kitchen table and Chowder looks pale and nauseous. Bitty makes him eat some yoghurt and drink plenty of water.

Nursey and Dex are missing most of the day.

* * *

The Christmas vacation is surprisingly nice. The whole Bittle family has a big get together, and Bitty mentally prepares himself for the inevitable pinching if his cheeks that all his aunts will do. He ends up sneaking outside with his cousin Diana and they drink eggnog and talk about nothing an everything for hours.

Diana Bittle is great. She has big grey eyes, and multiple piercings in her ears. She managed to shock their grandma a little when she showed up with her new pixie cut. Outside she shows him her tattoo on her shoulder blade, and tells him about her girlfriend, whom she met at her college in California.

Eric ends up telling her about Jack.

Diana says she thinks it's a little romantic of Jack to show up, even though it was badly planned. Bitty laughs at that.

She drops by the following day, with cinnamon cookies from her mother, and helps them make dinner. They watch She's the Man and Mama Bittle lets them have some wine. They have a good time. Bitty shows her some of the team's group chat, and she laughs for five minutes at Attsy's use of hashtags.

Christmas Eve is a good time too, even if Eric is starting to miss Samwell a lot.

He wakes up early Christmas morning and lies in bed, looking through twitter and thinking about the next semester. He has just started wondering what is to happen with Jack, when he gets a text.

' _Merry Christmas, Bittle.'_

' _Merry Christmas to you too.'_

' _Are you busy right now?'_ Jack asks.

' _No - it's nine in the morning! :o'_

Jack doesn't reply, and Bitty has just rolled onto his back and started planning his next vlog, when his phone starts ringing.

"Hello," he answers.

"Bittle," Jack sounds like he just woke up.

"Morning Jack."

"How's your Christmas vacation?" he asks. Bitty tells him about the cookies he and his mother have been trying to make, about Diana and how different she is from last year, he even tells him about how nervous he is over the present he got Coach.

Jack listens, makes a few jokes and reassures him about the book for Coach. It is unbelievably nice to be talking to him again.

Eric asks him about his Christmas, and Jack talks a little about his American family coming to visit, and all his dad's hockey friends who drops by. They both chuckle at Jack's failed attempt at making cake for his family.

Before they know it, they have talked for an hour, and Suzanne is calling him into the kitchen.

"Nice talking to you," Bitty says, a little huskily, "Merry Christmas."

"You too," Jack's voice is soft.

* * *

It feels amazing to get back to school, even if Bitty is going to miss his mother a lot. He has been texting Jack a lot, and he can't help but wonder if they'll continue now when vacation is over.

Bitty gets the highest grade for his paper, and celebrates by making Tarte Tatin, a French apple pie that is flipped upside down. He makes a vlog about it, and blushes when someone in the comments asks if there is a particular reason he is baking _French_ cakes.

There isn't.

He just wanted a challenge. Seriously!

Jack continues to text and call him. It doesn't take them many weeks to be back to their old chirping ways. He even stops by once in February and has dinner with the team. Attsy and Beckers both stare slack-jawed when they see _Jack Zimmermann_ in the kitchen. It's hilarious.

Chowder can't stop giggling about it, and he whispers to Bitty when they clear the table, "I can't believe they act so awkward around him. He's just Jack."

Bitty smiles and pats his cheek. Sweet baby Chowder is no longer a baby.

* * *

A couple of days later, Jack calls him. They talk for a while, about the game, about little things. Bitty has had a question burning on his tongue for a while. In fact it has been there ever since Jack turned up in December.

"Why did you come back?" he blurts out, when they ran out of things to say.

"I missed you," Jack replies.

"Yeah but... Something must have made you do it?" he wonders, "was it because Elliott and I broke up?"

"Um..." Jack is silent for the longest ten seconds ever, "Shitty called me, and told me to stop punishing the both of us, and start talking to you again."

"Shitty?" Bitty isn't sure what to say.

"I believe his exact words were 'Jack! Pull your head out of your ass, and talk to Bitty!'"

Bitty laughs.

"Then he asked me why I was afraid of being happy, and told me to think about what _I_ wanted just once in my life," Jack's voice is low, soft like velvet. Bitty closes his eyes.

"Would you have come back if he hadn't called you?" he asks. He needs to know.

"I would've been stubborn for a while longer, but..." Jack takes a deep breath, "I couldn't have stayed away. You make me happy, make me better. That feeling is not something I can just give up, no matter how good I am at lying to myself."

"I used to dream about you coming back," Bitty admits and fiddles with his pillowcase.

"I'm sorry I didn't," Jack says and the honesty in his voice makes Eric choke up.

"I'm glad were friends again," he tells him, not able to say more.

"Me too," Jack replies.

* * *

Bitty has just walked out of Annie's, latte in hand, when he sees Elliott. He's walking next to a shorter boy with curly brown hair. They are holding hands. Eric quickly walks across the street and hopes they didn't see him.

Lardo doesn't seem too surprised when he tells her.

"When you told me about the break-up, I realized something. Elliott has a savior complex. He seems like he wants to find someone beautiful and broken and put them back together," she looks a little sheepish.

"Oh,"

"Daniel, his new boyfriend, is an Art Major too. He was incredibly emo last year. Lots of black eyeliner and scowling," she giggles, "but look at him now."

"He did look disgustingly happy," Bitty smiles. He is not that sad over it. But talking to them was a bit more than he could handle.

The whole thing showed him that he has moved on. That he's good and happy. Him and Jack are friends again, and something has shifted between them. Bitty didn't just forgive him right away, which made them both stronger. Instead of trying to repair their old friendship, they build a new one on the rubble.

They are equals in every way.

It's amazing and Bitty is quite proud of himself.

* * *

 

It's time for the playoffs, and the team is playing it's best, since Jack and Shitty stopped. Bitty is getting really excited and a little nervous about it. Ransom and Holster deserve to end their college career with a bang!

Shitty and Jack drive down to Samwell for the big game, and everyone is getting pumped up. Jack looks sweet in his old Wellie t-shirt. He cut his hair and he has a pretty half-smile on his lips. Bitty catches himself staring at those lips more than once at team breakfast.

The game itself is intense. Bitty is sweating hard in all his gear. He does some of his spinorama and enjoys the confusion on the other team as he flies past them. In the 2nd period he swooshes past one of the bigger players, gets the puck and sends it flying!

He knows it the moment he swings the stick - it's _perfect_.

He makes the goal.

And then he is covered in team-members, screaming and laughing. He imagines he can see Jack smile at him from the stands, even though he knows it isn't possible.

They win the game, and Ransom and Holster carry him into the locker-rooms on their shoulders. Everyone is singing and clapping, and Bitty knows that tonight's party is going to be crazy. If only he can make Jack stay.

They have come this far, but there is still something left for him to do.

There is a crowd outside the locker rooms, cheering and clapping when the team comes outside. Everyone is touching him, clapping his shoulder and lifting their hands for high-fives, and Bitty knows he should be paying attention to them, but all he can do is look for Jack.

Vaguely noticing Farmer jump into Chowder's arms and kiss him, Bitty scouts through the masses. Finally he sees him, leaning against the wall in the back of the hall. Jack is smiling brightly and his eyes are glowing with pride. Bitty's heart starts pounding and he pushes through the other people. He needs to reach Jack.

Jack stands up straighter when Bitty reaches him.

"That was quite the goal there Bit-"

He is cut short when Bitty grabs his shirt and pulls him down into a kiss. At first Jack seems to surprised to move, but then he melts against Eric, placing his big hands on either side of his face and kissing him back full force. Eric hums under his breath, he always liked Jack's hands.

Kissing Jack is even better than he remembers, both of them are getting a little out of breath from finally being this close again. Bitty presses himself even closer and stands on his toes, so he can deepen the kiss. Jack kisses him back like he would drown if he didn't.

Bitty forgets the people behind them, the cheers and screams. All he can think about is Jack's lips and the wonderful taste of strawberries and snow.

Jack lets one arm fall and wraps it around Bitty's waist. He almost lifts Eric off of the ground, which earns him a surprised little gasp. Jack is so strong and being pressed against him is pretty amazing. He moans a little and Jack scrapes his teeth across his bottom lip.

Someone yells "Dude! Look!" behind them. It almost breaks the spell.

Jack stops kissing Eric, instead he just stands there, pressing his forehead against Bitty's, not loosening his grip around his waist. They are both breathing heavily, and Bitty giggles a little. He still has Jack's t-shirt clasped in his hand.

Jack presses a soft kiss against his lips before lifting his head.

Then they turn their attention to their friends. Chowder is bouncing up and down, Dex and Nursey are standing with their mouths open, Ransom and Holster are grinning widely. Shitty and Lardo are both fighting back laughter.

Then something goes through them and the whole team runs forward. It's the biggest group hug Bitty can remember, and he keeps grinning stupidly at Jack, who seems just as happy, as they stand there in the middle, surrounded by their friends.

* * *

Somehow the party doesn't end up a mad kegster. Even though they are all drinking and laughing at the Haus. Bitty is sitting in Jack's lap, not letting any space come between them anymore. Lardo and Shitty are dancing like idiots, it looks adorably ridiculous.

Jack nuzzles his neck and presses a kiss onto his cheek.

He has been doing that every five minutes for the past hour or two. Bitty sort of lost track of time, too much happiness and beer in his system.

There is music and kissing and laughing as Shitty tries to twerk.

Finally Bitty can't keep his eyes open any more. Jack carries him bridal style up to his room, and if he hadn't been drunk, he would have made fun of him for that!

They cuddle up on the bed and kiss more. Slow, slightly sloppy kisses. Bitty sighs at the feel and smell of Jack. It is perfect and wonderful, and just... yeah he is a definitely a little drunk.

"Bitty?" Jack says and wow, hearing him say that, sends shivers down his spine.

"Yes," he responds, curious about what he wants.

"I, um..." Jack licks his lips, "do you want me to come out to the public?"

"No," Bitty says quickly, "do I seem like I want that?"

"I was just wondering..." Jack furrows his brows, "I just don't want to fuck things up this time. If you don't want to keep this a secret, then we won't."

"Jack," Bitty takes his hand and intertwines their fingers, "I don't care. All I want is you - the rest will come when it does. We have time."

"We have all the time," Jack grins and kisses him again.

Yes, they do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Tell me if you spot any mistakes. I am a simple Dane, trying to write in English.


End file.
